Everything found here was either directly observed by the staff, sent in by members of The Ford Report Mailing list, or quoted by anonymous Ford Report Minions. Keep in mind at all times… The Ford Report is for entertainment purposes only! Some of the things posted here may not be completely accurate. These posts may directly correlate to yourself, your team, or company. If you are offended by any of the info on the Ford Report, drop me a line and I’ll remove you from the mailing list…if you’re seeing it on the site, then feel free to click that little red ‘X’ and move on with your day.

1. Former Team Nemesis Player Eric Forg is afflicted with Cancer. He’ll be in our thoughts and prayers as he starts Chemotherapy.
2. Had an amazing time at NOCER Productions’ “Holy Grail VII” last weekend. Thanks to The Tiny Blonde Goddess, Constance Wilkins, and Lindsey Hendricks, I was able to play all weekend rather than running a camera. Thank you ladies!
3. Alien Paintball has started shipping their ’09 Independence guns. Alien is debuting them at Hunting Beach USL this weekend. They have made several changes to the ’09 including a Rammer out the back, quick release hose fittings with 5/32 hose for leasier service and lower LPR pressures, a new HPR design, integrated HPR adapter, and new milling. The also released an website design. They can still be found at www.alienpb.com
4. HB is this weekend, and the homies at PaintballX3 are already there. Stay tuned to www.paintballx3.com for daily updates as the event unfolds.
5. PSP opens registration for the Mid-Atlantic Open, set to go off April 30th-May 3^rd. Www.pspevents.com for more info.
6. The GPL is having a sanctioned practice at LVP: http://www.thegpl.com/images/LVPprac.jpg
7. The CFOA is coming to a field near you with their 3-Man series, starting April 11^th. If Silverman is running around with his hair on fire, that’s likely the reason. Http://www.thecfoa.com for more info or to get your crew signed up!
8. Georgia team POSSE welcomes 3 new members Sir Rod Selner,Kimberly Davis,and Buck Davis.
9. Speaking of Deep South Scenario teams, the almost fully re-armed Team I.Y.A.O.Y.A.S was flat out frightening to watch this past weekend at Old River….”Gwalt, would you please shoot him?” There’s just something not right about an Etek with an Apex on it…
10. E-Money succumbs to days of ‘having a talk’ with Field Minions and gives up his 5 secrets: http://www.emoneypaintball.net/pdf5.pdf
11. Speaking of Minions, the official TheFordReport.Com Minion T-Shirts came in….and all but 3 are gone. Apparently Bill Murray and Billy Smith hit the nail on the head on the design, because paintballers were literally fighting over them. More on the way.
12. But it’s all good…while you wait for more Minion shirts to come in, get yerself an official PaintballX3 T-Shirt: http://www.paintballx3.com/general/paintball-x3-thirst-1-is-in-stock.html
13. Just got off the phone with Frank Connell of Avalanche. He’s working his tail off because the Pros are working at the USPL’s Surf City Open…
14. Greg Hastings’ Tour of Duty 2009 hits Kansas and….Utah: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=55100490
15. One of my paintball kids is all grown up now, and he’s doing some TV work: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0IpfcxTKrw Take a wild guess which one it is…
16. The PSP is having a Ref Certification clinic at Pev’s paintball June 6^th and 7^th.
17. The AFTS is getting ready for their Inland Empire event, set to go off May 9^th and 10^th.
18. To counter the unfortunate impression that the producers of PaintClub and yours truly are humorless, we’ve instituted a naughty t-shirt contest: http://thefordreport.com/2009/04/01/the-paintclub-21-most-naughty-t-shirt-contest/
19. Enterprise Rent-a-Car is still the official rental car company of the PSP. I wonder if Keely can get me a hookup on a rental…I gotta put the Mountaineer o’ Doom in the shop here in a few days…
20. I got old(er), damnit. Fortunately Camille Lemanski cheered me up, even though she’s younger than I am and significantly better looking. Thanks Camille.
21. The SPPL Qualifier in Georgia is this weekend, assuming the entire state doesn’t wash away…
22. ANS Gear has the DP Rev-I in stock now. Order up!
23. EMR Paintball Park and their staff would like to thank and congratulate Jason “WYRM” Rossow for the excellent scenario “Craft Wars” he produced at their season kickoff event, March Meltdown, last weekend. It was his first produced scenario and it went smoothly and the players loved it. Even the weather cooperated with warm sunny skies and no rain all day. WYRM is an employee of EMR as well as a member of BLUE’S CREW. EMR has a exciting schedule for the rest of the 2009 season with the JT SPORTS CASTLE CONQUEST coming up April 25th, JT’s WESTERN WORRS on June 27th, and the TIPPMANN EXTRAVAGANZA on August 29 and 30, featuring a 26 hour scenario produced by nationally known and good friend VIPER. The fall brings the second CASTLE CONQUEST on September 26th and the season finale is SUE’S TOYS for TOTS Scenario on November 7th. For more information on EMR and our events, check us out at www.EMRPAINTBALL.com .
24. Hater Paintball is having a contest to help design their next gun graffiti. If you’re good enough, your team could win a $1000 team sponsorship!
25. Paintball Sports Magazine is having a $10,000 giveaway where you can win DYE Goodness and lots of other goodies!
26. I understand that ProCaps is making some changes to their paint lineup…Minions are on the way up north to have a little talk with Sorin…
27. The finale for the SPCS’s Winter Series is April 19^th.
28. That same weekend the RPL is having their Victorville event at the Fairgrounds in Victorville, CA. XSV is going to do some reffing and having a clinic as well… www.therpl.com
29. Just when you thought the Luxe couldn’t get any more expensive, ANS rolls out the Dynasty Luxe. $1750!
30. Planet Eclipse rolls out their SL-94 Ego in Europe in a couple of weeks, and those who dig the most exclusive of Egos now have pictures to salivate over…
31. DYE rolls out a video for their Ironmen DM9: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=DYEPAINTBALLVIDEO
32. Team IYAOYAS goes national, branching out with their first out of area chapter. running mates from the Midwest who attended grail decided to trade in their old jerseys for the IYAOYAS wings, forming the Midwest chapter of the team.
33. PSP is having a ref clinic at Paintball Asylum in Kentucky in late April…
34. Old River Paintball in Ocklawaha, FL is having a BYOP day this weekend. Www.oldriverpaintball.com for directions.
35. Tadao Technologies releases their new Mikko USB OLED Ultralight Board. Www.tadaotechnologies.com
36. KEE thinks you ought to be using their paint at HB…it’s good enough for Dynasty, right?
37. Frank Connell told me that all the cool kids are using DXS Paint at HB, like the homies on the AvaPimps.
38. Matt Pennebaker of team Blackwatch is going to be putting together a Texas Paintball Industry conference that he’s calling Operation Paintcheck. Profits from the event to benefit Paintball Players Safety Education Group (PPSEG).