So here we are, 2 weeks out from the event that has vexed, titillated, offended, and generally made all but a select few in the game we all love shake their heads. I felt it necessary as the Minister of Sinister Implications and Information Dispersal to write this final release on Paint Club, because I really, really dig the title, and the Vice Minister is currently occupied with another project.

I find myself vexed as well…there are still people out there that think that players at this event will be drinking during the playing portion of the event. Let me say it one more time, with feeling: THERE WILL BE NO ALCOHOL ON THE FIELD! The libations and entertainment will follow the day’s play on field, starting at 6:30 PM.

There are also still rumors persisting that players will be naked as well. THERE WILL BE NO NUDITY ON FIELD! Whatever nudity will be at PaintClub will be after the day’s play is over in the hospitality tents where Executive Chef Bill Bain (who will be fully dressed) will serve a meal fit for a king to the players, the beer will flow from the kegs being brought in by one of the participants, and yes the nudity will be about from the professional dancers being brought in. Don’t forget to tip your entertainers properly. It wouldn’t do to act in an uncultured manner.

I’m still being asked by some of the female participants if I’m going to be one of the male dancers in the ladies’ hospitality tent. Again, I’m happily married, and The Tiny Blonde Goddess has already put the kibosh on the idea of me earning extra money by putting my clothes on. Rumors about a certain game writer and his prop dropper being hired in to provide the entertainment in the female hospitality tent are not being commented on at this time.

Security will not be provided by a group of FordReport.Com Minions. We felt that it was necessary to employ security that would be capable of mercy. FordReport.Com Minions are incapable of that. Off-Duty Long County Sheriff’s Deputies will be providing gate security for this event. If you find yourself in a hostile situation with another participant, you have the option to call them out and take your grievances out onto LCP’s brand-new X-Ball Field and leave them there.

If there’s a situation on the property that requires them to come in for whatever reason, someone’s going to jail. Furthermore, every driver of a vehicle leaving the property after the event ends will be subject to sobriety tests…if said driver fails the tests, he will be spending the night in Long County Jail.

The Producers recommend flying into either Jacksonville, FL or Savannah, Georgia. If you’re flying in on your corporate jet, Jax, Savannah or Hilton Head, SC all have FBO facilities for your use. To get in the gate, you MUST present your RSVP, which will be the receipt issued to you from the LCP store when you paid your entry. You will also need to provide photo ID so the security team can confirm that you’re ‘in’ at PaintClub.

The Naughty T-Shirt contest will begin as soon as you walk on the property, so be sure to dress appropriately.

Finally, we at PaintClub wish all of the participants coming to this event to have a good time…unfiltered, unencumbered, and unleashed. Registration is still available for those who choose to participate in this event. Go to www.paintclub21.com , read through the rules, and then drop paintclub21@yahoo.com a line to get ‘in’, get paid, and get ready!

Everyone Starts At Zero. Everyone Plays. Puppy Dogs and Rainbows will NOT be attending PaintClub.