With the epic-ness that is PaintClub 21 a bare 2 months away, and with Christmas done and over with, we inglorious bastards behind PaintClub21 have put our collective noses to the grindstone in order to make this year’s event happen.

Joe and Billy are out scouting the talent to keep everyone entertained after the day’s play is over, and Executive Chef Bill Bain is busy in his kitchen experimenting with recipes to delight everyone’s taste buds for dinner, and oddly enough I’m left out in the cold as it were, trying to figure our what I can do. As much as I’d like to do some talent scouting of my own, I’ve been told by the powers-that-be (my wife, tolerant woman that she is) that Billy and Joe can handle the ‘talent scouting’ and that I could keep my butt home!

By now if you’re interested in coming to this event, you’ve gotten off your butt and written paintclub21@yahoo.com to explain to the Dark Overlord why you should be allowed into this year’s event. If not, you might want to get on the stick and get it done! Once you’re accepted, you’ll be given a link to go to and pay up for this year’s event. The $150 entry covers entry, air, 1 case of paint, dinner created by Executive Chef Bill Bain, all the beer you can drink in the entertainment tent, and of course, we’re taking care of hiring the talent for you as well.

Now, before you get too excited, you need to take a hard look at who you are and what kind of player you are. If you’re one of those “5 Percenters” that goes to an event and then goes online to your forum of choice to whine, bitch, complain and try to undermine what the field operator and/or producers are doing, then this really isn’t the event for you. Among other things, there will be foul language, players shooting the hell out of each other, and heaven forbid, there’ll be players out there better than you and they’ll be shooting the hell out of you! Now, if others playing too aggressive is an issue for you, then don’t waste my time or yours.

If you whine, bitch, complain or generally annoy the ref on the field at PaintClub21, he’ll likely point, laugh and call you a pink panty wearing bastard and tell you to leave if you can’t handle it. The very essence of PaintClub21 is that it’s an event where you can go and play as hard as you want and not have to worry about aforementioned pink panty wearing bastard whining, bitching or complaining to the ref, producer, or field owner and getting yourself ejected because you’re a big meanyhead. At PaintClub21, the field owner is just as likely to be the one shooting the hell out of you as anyone else!

If you’re bringing along your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, domestic partner or whatever it is you spend your time with and they’re not interested in actually playing at PaintClub 21, but want to be with you while you enjoy the off-field entertainment, food, and libations, then they can register as your guest for $100. However, please note that if you’re overly jealous, insecure, or not comfortable with your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, domestic partner or whatever seeing and enjoying the various entertainers, and you choose to act in an abusive fashion towards them, you’ll be ejected from the event by event staff. If you make the mistake of arguing or refusing to comply, then the Long County Sheriff’s Deputies on duty as event security will make you comply.

In addition to these requirements for having a good time at PaintClub21, there are others, which I’ll detail below.

If you:

1. Think having someone tell you how fast to shoot is a great idea,
2. Don’t like beer,
3. Don’t like being entertained in grand fashion,
4. Are offended by foul language,
5. Get all butt-hurt if you get lit up for wiping, cheating, playing on or being a general douche-bag,
6. Spend more time starting threads on PBN than actually playing,
7. Are worried about the score at the end of the day,
8. Don’t like good food,
9. Are a political ass and feel this is your chance to hobknob,

Then Paint Club is probably NOT for you.

If you really, really think you’re ready for this, head on over to http://www.paintclub21.com and get yourself informed about this most epic of events, then drop a line to the PaintClub21 Guy at paintclub21@yahoo.com to get yourself accepted to attend PaintClub21 February 20^th and 21^st , 2010. Be all sweetness and light Valentine’s Day weekend, then come recharge your man-meter at PaintClub21!