Everything found here was either directly observed by the staff, sent in by members of The Ford Report Mailing list, or quoted by anonymous Ford Report Minions. Keep in mind at all times… The Ford Report is for entertainment purposes only! Some of the things posted here may not be completely accurate. These posts may directly correlate to yourself, your team, or company. Use the link in this email to unsubscribe from The Ford Report if you find yourself offended by it. If you’re seeing it on the site, then feel free to click that little red ‘X’ and move on with your day.

• With tongue planted firmly in cheek, an open letter to the NPPL: http://thefordreport.com/2012/03/open-letter-to-the-nppl/
• The menace is moving! http://thefordreport.com/2012/03/the-menace-is-moving/
• Which was followed by a panicked phone call from LCP’s Billy Smith. In between sobs, he managed to relay to me that he thought his wife Paula was turning into a Zombie…apparently he walked into the kitchen at the house and saw her moaning and eating what looked like brains. I urged him to calm down and take a second look before blowing her head off. Turns out she was eating jello…really good jello apparently, hence the moaning. http://www.lcpscenariogames.com/ to get signed up for the Apocalypse.
• Meanwhile, pretty much everyone who’s anyone (except me) is either on the way to or already at Huntington Beach for the NPPL season opener. Excuse me while I go pout.
• Meanwhile, Greg Hastings is going to the Hurt Locker: http://thefordreport.com/2012/03/the-hurt-locker/
• Valken announces that they’ve agreed to sponsor team New England Avalanche for the 2012 season. I hear that Frank actually giggled. I don’t know about you, but I’d pay money (but not much) to hear a Frank Connell giggle.
• SoBe Paintball’s John Navarro dropped by with this: “If you plan to attend Generals Cup in Florida, and are planning or willing to commit to play for the SOUTH SIDE/ John Navarro of South Beach PIMPS is the General, you need to email him, john@sobepaintball.com “
• Since the PSP Galveston event was pretty much rained out, and Phoenix is just around the corner, PSP has announced that they’re using the Galveston field layouts for PSP Phoenix.
• Chuck Hendsch made a rare appearance in South Georgia to lay this tidbit on me: “The NPPL, Sapporo, and Loyal Dean Long Boards will be raffling 4 Long boards for the Bob Gurnsey Paintball Scholarship. Purchase your raffle tickets for $1 at the NPPL Registration booth. Drawing will be held for 2 of the Long boards at the NPPL Players Party at Endless Food & Fun and the other 2 Long boards will be announced Sunday during the finals.”
• Who’s Bob? http://paintballscholarships.com/?utm_source=BOB+GURNSEY+PAINTBALL+SCHOLARSHIP+RAFFEL+&utm_campaign=scholarship&utm_medium=email
• Fighting Five-Oh and Empire Battle Tested team up for 2012: http://thefordreport.com/2012/03/fighting-five-oh-paintball-team-signs-sponsorship-agreement-with-empire-battle-tested-paintball-for-2012/
• Taitano made sure I knew that Dynasty finished 2^nd at the Millenium Riviera event over in France.
• Rabackoff dropped in to let me know that Art Chaos and Ton Tons had earned congrats too: http://thefordreport.com/2012/03/g-i-sportz-congratulates-riviera-millenium-winners/
• The Sun Shines on Empire Paintball Fans, in the latest video in Empire’s Video Vault: http://empirepaintball.com/empire-paintball-video-channel-vault/
• The PSP has a statistical manifesto: http://paintballaccess.com/statistical-manifesto-where-we-now-stand-at-our-beginning-bear-with-us-and-be-with-us/
• In New England, Joel Vail thought this was important for those out there wanting to find vintage goodness: “I wanted to see if you could do a piece on Titus Celani’s website – www.tituspb.com. He is a small business owner – paintball distributor and as we all know, small business is the backbone of the industry. He handled most his business on forums and local to New England. He finally got his website up and running and offers a unique selection of new and used/vintage gear. He strives to offer the best paint and stands behind his products. He even buys from places that are going out of business and offers the savings to his customers. An uncountable number of players started because he took the time to find them gear they could afford and they hit the ground running. He also only sells American made products to support our economy. His direct email is p_celani@hotmail.com .”
• Tom Cole told me to go to Utah for the next UWL event April 28th-29^th.
• I like first class…first on, first off…can’t beat it!
• A2 joins the list of PBL Approved stores in Canada.
• The NPPL and Fluid have teamed up for HB. Fluid is a sports drink mix that helps your muscles as well as the rest of your body recover after working out. I’ve used it in the past…great stuff!
• Andy Van Der Platts let me know that the newest Stars and Stripes is out: http://tinyurl.com/cl9mron
• John Navarro of The South Beach Pimps dropped in again with another tidbit: “Pimps are attending FortKnox paintball in Indiana. Playing the Greed game, representing PE, and shooting Valken Grafitti.. Go Green side or go home!”
• Photos from the D-League’s last event are available now: http://fxfphotos.com/dleague1201.htm
• If you’re in Cali for HB, head on up to Paintball Gateway’s warehouse in Gardena for their doorbuster sales.
• RAP4 is going to be busy this summer: http://www.rap4.com/rap4-summer-2012-a-424.html
• The PSP reminds us that the NEXL is their NE affiliate league.
• Raider Magazine in the UK (www.raider-mag.com) took at look at S-Thunder’s goodies and came away impressed.
• LCP’s Billy Smith, much calmer this time, had this to pass on: “I’ve been getting questions about registration for the Zombie vs Humans game on April 14th. The Billy lost his mind registration deal that includes two cases of paint, air and registration for $100 is for online pre-registration only. That deal will not be available on game day. game day reg will be $40, paint will be $50 per case, air will be $10. See ya there!!!!!! to register go to www.lcpscenariogames.com “
• This coming weekend is my birthday. Seems like the older I get the less I care about my advancing age (I’ll be 42). My wife insists that I’m not old, and Lord knows I don’t act my age, so who cares? This weekend I’ll spend time with OP4′s Mike Castleman working on my old Dodge Ramcharger, chasing the wife around the house, and generally making a pig of myself eating whatever the hell it is I want to eat!