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January 24th, 2013: The Pre-Apocalypse

Everything found here was either directly observed by the staff, sent in by members of The Ford Report Mailing list, or quoted by anonymous Ford Report Minions. Keep in mind at all times… The Ford Report is for entertainment purposes only! Some of the things posted here may not be completely accurate. These posts may directly correlate to yourself, your team, or company. Use the link in this email to unsubscribe from The Ford Report if you find yourself offended by it. If you’re seeing it on the site, then feel free to click that little red ‘X’ and move on with your day.


  • It would seem that the Apocalypse is upon us: Low Country Paintball’s Paula Smith informs me that Billy has broken out of his straitjacket and is running around the property gnawing on people’s heads and chanting “Braiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinsss!” . Get signed up at before it’s too late!
  • John Navarro checks in: “SBP had some technical difficulties but the site has been repaired. if you want to attend the baddest game of 2013, you wont want to miss this one,its your choice to play for not 1 not 2 but 3 Generals!!”
  • Those pesky Space Vikings…
  • Sources inform me that at least 2 new guns are going to be introduced at this year’s Paintball Extravaganza. According to my people, one of them is going to ‘Surprise the S**t out of people’.
  • Not surprisingly, tickets to “The Fort” over in France sold out within a few hours. That’s just how Gino and Tim roll.
  • Staying in Europe/UK, there’s a new club in the UK:
  • Sables is a beast.
  • I took on the APE:
  • If you’re going to LCP this weekend to fight Zombies, do it the right way:
  • Greg Siewers has left Infamous for Edmonton Impact.
  • Blue has drunk puppies and cries in the shower:
  • Sean Scott let me know that they’ve announced the Generals for this year’s Living Legends event.
  • OXCC in Maryland is going fully Valken, with both the MAPL and their Scenario events shooting Valken paint this year.
  • If you’re wanting to get in on the 2013 GI Sportz Imperial Program sponsorships, hit up
  • When I talked to Valken’s Andy Potter this morning, he said something about some big news coming from Arizona for Valken. When I asked him to clarify, he clammed up on me. Fortunately I have Terminator Class Minions nearby to his new residence in Arkansas. As soon as they’re done with him I’ll pass along the information.
  • Down in Texas, TxR Paintball has a couple of cool events coming up. First in February is “Tradin’ Daze”, a paintball swap meet they’re having at TxR on the 17th. Later in March, on my birthday the 31st, the 4th event in the HPL series is going on at TxR.
  • The CPL out at CPX Sports in Joliet, IL welcomes DYE as a Platinum Sponsor.
  • They also have Israel Lagares coming out to shoot video for teams at a discount.
  • Over in neighboring Indiana, Warped Sportz is on the move and having a sale!
  • In addition to the Vapor Test Drive this weekend at LCP, I’ll be testing a new reg that ought to be coming on the market soon, and there’s a rumor that I’ll have a Shadow barrel as well. I can neither confirm nor deny any rumors about that at the moment. I can say that Ashley and I will have a Vapor for sale at the event, a silver/blue gun that I’m having a very hard time keeping out of my gear bag. There are also at least one, if not two new Machines being brought online at LCP.
  • With all the news that’s fit to print out there for you now, it’s time I go and finish the task of packing up for this weekend! If you’re a cool kid, you’ll make it out to LCP for the Zombie Apocalypse…if not, then you’re not cool!

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